“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows. It's what the sunflowers do.” 

This blog is dedicated to my four children.

I am a thinker and a writer and have been so since I can remember. Because of this, I want to remind my children through my words and memories how awesome they are and how very proud of them I am today. 

We shared many years together and created wonderful, happy, strong memories. I never want them to forget how important they are.
My 4 children are the most beautiful, loving souls that I have ever met.

I met one of them on November 16^th 1990. His name is Kevin Paul.
I met the second one on October 13^th 1992. Her name is Megan Yvonne.
I met the third soul, Amanda Nicole, on January 27^th 1995 and then -by a wonderful surprise- I met the fourth soul on September 28^th 1996…my youngest son Justin Ryan.
Each one of these sweet humans has no idea how much the world changed and will continue to change for the better because of their existence.

When I was a little girl, I loved to be outdoors. I, for all intent and purposes, was a "tomboy". I hated dresses, makeup, and my feminine body when I was younger.

But there were two things that soothed me and made me more confidant - animals and gardening. It was an escape for me to be outdoors and I wanted to give my children the same experiences I had as a child.

After I got married to my children's father, I decided that every spring I was going to teach them how to garden. We planted vegetables, bulbs, seeds and an array of flowers. While stationed at Fort Lenordwood Missouri, the kids and I had the biggest vegetable garden we ever had because of the yard size on post. There was a year that we planted watermelons and pumpkins and learned real fast that the deer LOVED watermelon and pumpkins. 

KJ-you will remember this because one year you were so excited that we were growing our own pumpkins for Halloween. You would run out everyday to check to see if it was ready. Around the middle of October in 1997, you ran outside before school and the pumpkins were gone...All of them. You were so sad and the only way I could soothe you is to tell you that the poor deers had Bambi's at home and the momma dears had to feed their family. :) 

I have said a million times to you children and others that I loved growing up on a farm and I will also write about the "farm stories that I shared with each of you. 
Being a military family that moved about every 2 years, I decided that I would bring the farm to you kids. There are no better life lessons than to cultivate a garden or take care of animals that rely on you.
My goal was to share things I had learned as a child with all of you

With life, there will be moments of pain.
That is not what this blog is about. This blog is about the laughter, the sunshine, the animals, the memories and the growth we all shared as a family.

You-my beautiful children are sunflowers and I am proud of each of you. No matter where your paths take you there is one thing that will always be known-You are my children and I love you immensely.

Why are you my sunflowers?

KJ when you were 2 years old, I wanted to show you how a seed could grow into a big, huge flower. Sun flowers are such a resilient, strong, happy flowers AND they produce their own seeds for the next growing season.

Sunflowers cannot be pushed over easy; their stalks are tough; sunflowers turn to the sun; I swear they smile at you when you look at them.

I remember that you children were amazed that no matter where the sun was, the sunflowers faced it. KJ, you said to me once, "Mommy, I am going to watch the sunflowers turn to see the sun!"
You sat in the window - on and off for 3 hours - and gave me a constant report.  I will never forget your excitement because you made me excited about watching the sunflowers and in your words,
"turn their flower heads to the sunshine!"
Every year at the end of the month of May, I would plant sunflower seeds with each of you. Every year, all of you were so excited because sunflower seeds grow within about 10 days after their seeds are planted.

I told you- KJ, Meg, Mandy and Justin that you were responsible for your own sunflower seeds. So each day you children would go out and water your own seeds.

I actually put sticks in the ground and labeled them with your names so you would know which seed was yours.

As you children got older, it became a sunflower competition each spring and you would ask me,

"Mommy, whose sunflower seed is going to bloom first?"
"Whose sunflower is going to be bigger?"
At one point, all 4 of you actually asked me if you could win a prize if your sunflower was the biggest. 

I looked at you and said, "It doesn't matter which one is bigger. What matters is that they grow." 

Every year I prayed that your sunflower seeds grew because if one of the seeds did not thrive,

I did not want to face that moment of tears or disappointment…but by the grace of God all your sunflowers grew taller than each of you.

Your sunflowers always bloomed into big, bright, strong flowers that followed the sun with their “flower faces."

I had no idea how symbolic this would be later in my life and yours.

I want you children to know and understand that although your father and I had problems, it is not your fault. We made bad choices as a couple but having you children was not one of them to me. I was thrilled to carry you in my body and even more thrilled to carry you in my heart as I do everyday. 
My love for you has nor will ever be affected by what happens in day today events or challenges.

You kids are "human sunflowers" to me.

No one child is more special than the other. No one child is going to win the contest of being “bigger and better."
No one child is going to “out shine” the other because in the end of each day of my life, I want all of you children to turn your faces towards the sun and keep growing and thriving knowing that my love for each of you is infinitive. 

"To infinity and beyond" a reminder to you Justin that your favorite movie was Toy Story and you use to run around the house in your Buzz Lightyear costume saying this as you tried to fly in the air.

Do you remember what is so cool about a sunflower?

Once the sunflower blooms into its purest, most beautiful stage of its life, the center of its bloom has visible seeds that can be planted for the next season.
How totally AWESOME is that?

I sure do look forward to each year and your seasons in the sun.

I look forward to all of you creating your own families and planting your own seeds in this crazy world. You 4 are the strong stalk; the sunshine; the grace; the beauty; the resilience in my life to show me that in spite of the every-days.... you are strong and beautiful. I am so proud of each of you.

 I love each of so very much and will never forget all the happy moments we shared and will share.

Be at peace for no matter where, why, who or when you plant your seeds in your own gardens in life-you have imprinted happiness on my heart and wonderful memories that I carry everywhere I go. 

Be at peace my beautiful flowers and keep reaching towards the sun.